


Growth In Every Direction

by Cruisinwritealong



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Best Friends, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Marauders, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-27 15:17:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19793572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cruisinwritealong/pseuds/Cruisinwritealong
Summary: He’s determined to get over his stupid crush on his friend, determined to figure himself out, and determined to find a way to not hate who he is.





	Growth In Every Direction

When Sirius meets Remus they are twelve years old and just starting secondary school at Hogwarts Prepatory. Remus Lupin is a new student and he’s assigned to room with Sirius Black and James Potter, who have been there since primary. The boys take a liking to Remus right away and show him the ropes of boarding school.

Remus doesn’t quite know what to make of the two kind-but-hyper boys who have befriended him. He feels a bit different from them. Remus doesn’t come from money or a well-to-do family line. He doesn’t have James’ charm or Sirius’ charisma. He doesn’t look anything like them, inside or out.

He can’t tell if being different from everyone is bad or if maybe being different is cool and unique. He can’t tell if it matters at all. It doesn't seem to matter to James or Sirius, but to his great irritation, it seems to matter to Remus. He tries not to get in his own way, not give in to his anxious thoughts, and just be glad he's made some friends. What does it matter if they look nothing alike? 

Sirius in thinner and taller than most of the boys around him, including Remus who is one of the shortest and roundest. He doesn’t really notice Remus’ appearance or his lack of height for more than a moment though because Remus is the only person who has ever made him laugh so hard that milk came out his nose. It was gross and awesome and Sirius hangs on Remus’ every word from then on.

By eighth year they are cemented in place as best friends forever. Sirius doesn’t move unless he is flanked by James Potter on his right and Remus Lupin on his left. They walk tall and proud, despite being thirteen and awkward. They use words like shit and fuck and feel very grown up. 

James and Sirius beg Remus to try out for the football team with them. Remus isn’t much for sports and turns them down. They both make the team and Remus happily cheers them on from the sidelines, never misses a game. The goalkeeper's name is Peter Pettigrew. It is not long before the four are inseparable.

The school's mascot is the Fighting Pirates. When James and Sirius get into an argument over who would be the captain of their crew, Remus names them all equal as Marauders, because “fuck you guys, we don't need a captain just to make rules that we would then turn right around and break, and plus you’re both idiots.” Sirius has never seen James speechless before that moment, but he loves every second of it. He didn't know he could like Remus anymore than he already did. 

The four of them spend two weeks of that summer together at James’ family estate. Remus comes up with the best games and builds the most insane forts. He tells them ghost stories around camp fires that freak them out for days, and he consistently makes them all laugh until they cry. Sirius is completely captivated with Remus.

One night they are all sleeping close together in their tent, and Sirius feels Remus roll close behind him. Sirius shifts backwards at the same time Remus rolls over, and suddenly they’re spooning. Sirius is tense for a long moment, but when Remus doesn’t move, he allows himself to slowly relax back into the warmth of Remus’ body. He’s never slept so soundly.

Sirius doesn't tell a soul, won’t let himself even think through the things swirling around deep inside his chest when he’s around Remus. He convinces himself that he’s just grateful for Remus. Remus is an amazing person and a really great friend... and he’s allowed to be grateful for his friends.

In ninth year things begin to shift around. Literally. Everyone’s voices begin to crack and wobble. They grow hair in weird places. They take longer and longer showers. They begin to smell strangely. They get acne. They become painfully aware of the girls and the boys around them. Their bodies begin to change in all kinds of odd ways. 

James, Peter, and Sirius stay in great shape thanks to football. They grow tall, stay tan and muscular, become increasingly popular. They assure Remus that the attention is all non-sense and best friends are for life. A nagging, terrible voice of self-doubt creeps its way into Remus' head, and suddenly he is very aware again of how different he looks from his friends.

Remus has not changed much at all, even as his friends grew taller, thinner, broader. He’s clearly a genius and wickedly funny, but he’s by far the least physically mature of his friends. His humor turns dark and all self-deprecating. His friends do their best to encourage him, but he is constantly too hard on himself. Sirius makes it his mission to see Remus smile at least twice a day. 

They tease Remus about his appearance one day in between classes when he can't see over the crowd in the hallway. And then Remus doesn’t come to their next class. This never happens. Remus-valedictorian-Lupin doesn’t miss class. Sirius makes an excuse to leave early and finds Remus crying in their dorm room. They never tease him about it again. In fact, a few months later Sirius gets two weeks detention for punching another boy who he caught mocking Remus.

In tenth year Sirius gets a girlfriend. And then a boyfriend. And then a few girlfriends at the same time... maybe?

Remus can’t keep it straight, doesn’t even try to keep track. He just rolls his eyes and picks up his book, because Sirius is constantly receiving attention these days.

Remus finds himself confused by his inability to be happy for Sirius when he’s with someone. He’s happy enough when James and Peter manage to get random dates. He’s even gone on a few himself. But when it's Sirius with a date he just feels annoyed and irritated and ...unseen.

A gap begins to grows in Remus’ mind between himself and the physical perfection that is Sirius Black. Remus’ comparisons take a toll on their friendship and rob him of his peace of mind.

It sinks in more and more that he’s drawn to Sirius in a way he can’t seem to understand. He can’t seem to deny it. He can’t seem to make it go away.

He knows he feels possessive when someone takes Sirius’ attention, jealous even, if he’s honest. He knows there is something shifting between them. And he _knows_ Sirius doesn’t look at James or Peter or hell, even his stupid girlfriend of the day, the way he looks at Remus sometimes when he thinks Remus can’t see. And nothing about any of it makes any sense to him. Sometimes it gets so frustrating that Remus just has to stay away.

Sirius is often confused and frustrated by the cold shoulder feeling he gets from Remus. He doesn't know what he did, why Remus seems uncomfortable around him now, why Remus seems like he would rather hide behind the cover of a book than hang out with him.

Things get pretty tense between them. One day Sirius asks James and Peter if they want to go outside. Peter asks Remus if he’s coming, and Sirius answers for him, that no, Remus clearly doesn’t want to be around him anymore. Then Sirius pointedly walks out.

Remus decides that day that he refuses to allow his stupid emotions to make things any more awkward with his best friend. He won’t ruin what they have. He does his best to shove down his thoughts and ignore anything even close to feelings. And it’s ok for a while, things even improve a bit.

And then Sirius is asked to the Senior Fall Ball by a girl two years ahead of them. When Sirius walks out of the bathroom and asks how he looks - in a tux - Remus can't breathe. He can barely speak. He doesn't know if he wants to _be_ Sirius or be _with_ Sirius. 

It takes all his will power to just sit there, say have a fun time, and watch Sirius walk out the door. Sirius is the most beautiful person Remus has ever seen.

All Remus feels for several days after is a sinking feeling that someone as incredible as Sirius would never have the same kind of thoughts about someone like him.

Remus grows paralyzed by his insecurities. He grows so irritated with himself that one day he decides resolutely that this summer he’s going to change everything. He’s determined to get over his stupid crush on his friend, determined to figure himself out, and determined to find a way to not hate who he is. He sets his sights on getting control of his life before next year. On his way to the Great Hall for dinner that night he notices a flyer for swim team try outs.

Sirius is all over the place by the middle of tenth year. He spends every moment he's not with his friends or at practice trying to figure himself out. He hates classes, but loves football so he has to keep his grades up. He actually enjoys studying, but only with Remus. He has no idea what he wants to do after he graduates, no motivation to figure it out either. He skips class whenever he can get away with it. He has the occasional hook-ups and casual flings, sometimes he knows their names. He grows out his hair. He paints his nails. He starts to drink and smoke, James says too much.

At a party one night he impulsively borrows some of his friend's lingerie and a skirt, lies to her that it’s for a prank. He tries it all on later in the privacy of his own bathroom. His shame is quickly eclipsed by how much he loves the way he looks. His only other thought is wondering what Remus might think of his attire. If Remus might ever like his legs, his ass. There are no more flings after this.

He catches himself staring more and more at Remus, watching his body, wondering what Remus is thinking, wondering what Remus' opinions would be, wondering what Remus is doing when they aren't together. He doesn’t understand why he cannot stop thinking about his best friend ...ok maybe he knows why.

But he tells himself that its because of the dramatic change in Remus’ appearance all of a sudden. He’s concerned is all - it’s not Remus’ eyes, not his humor, definitely not his smile.

Remus has lost a lot of weight recently. They’re all a bit concerned about him until they see him eating like he is unable to actually feel full. They start taking bets on how many sandwiches or pizza slices or chocolate bars Remus can eat in one sitting. Its funny until Remus actually pukes in the bushes after lunch one day. James won't let them bet on Remus' appetite anymore. They tease James about becoming the "mom friend," but secretly Sirius is grateful. He is also alarmed at himself, at his visceral reaction to protect Remus, even from himself.

They go swimming the first weekend of that summer and Sirius gets a good, long look at Remus shirtless for the first time in a long time. He’s seen him quickly pulling a shirt off to change in their room, but it’s not the same. Now he can finally drink it all in.

He is shocked at the appearance of his friend. Remus is all lanky limbs and bony ribs now. The short boy with the soft belly is long gone, and even though he is still shorter than Sirius, its not by much and Sirius hasn't grown any taller in a long time. Remus is all long lines. His hands look a bit too big for his body. His long, curly hair is almost as chaotic as James'. His narrow hip bones stick out just above the waistband of his too big bathing suit. Remus has always drawn Sirius in, but now Sirius cannot even try to look away. 

Later that night Sirius finally confesses to James that yes he might, maybe, have a small but insignificant crush on Remus but he's almost over it so it's no big deal anyway and never mind forget he said anything. James just laughs at him, says there was more of Sirius' drool in the pool than water, and dammit just go ask him out already, Idiot. Sirius puts all James' underwear in the freezer that night.

Remus didn’t tell them, but he made the swim team towards the end of last year. He has early morning practice all summer which he despises, but he’s fallen in love with the way he feels, by the way his mind is clear of anxiety, and he really loves the way it’s changing his body. He feels better than he ever has.

He tells them at the beginning of eleventh year. James, Sirius, and Peter are all very excited to come and cheer him on now.

Sirius _really_ likes the swim team uniform. James hands Sirius a towel at the first swim meet, you know, for the drool or the jizz, or both! Peter’s laugh is loud enough for Remus to hear all the way on the other side of the pool and shoot them a confused look. That night Sirius steals all the shoelaces from James’ and Peter’s shoes. He ties them together to write out James Potter Is A Wanker and tapes it down across the walkway of the common room floor. 

Remus suddenly begins dating a guy a year ahead of them. James and Peter try to keep things light and comfortable in the group, but it’s obviously getting to Sirius. Remus pretends he doesn’t notice the tension, keeps acting like nothing is wrong because there’s no way Sirius is upset because of him. That’s insane. 

At lunch a few weeks later Remus asks Sirius why gay guys are such good swimmers...Because we’re flamboyant! Sirius rolls his eyes but laughs with his friends. Then he abruptly stops when Remus’ boyfriend sits down with them. Sirius leaves soon after, lying about forgetting something for their next class.

Remus notices him doing that a lot in the next few weeks. In fact, Sirius barely hangs out with him alone anymore and when he is around he’s full of passive aggressive comments and sarcasm. They stop laughing together.

Remus is confused and hurt. He doesn’t understand why Sirius leaves every time he comes around now. Sirius stops even bothering to make up a pitiful excuse, just starts walking out no explanation. James and Peter are no help whenever Remus asks. They only shrug and tell him he should talk to Sirius. 

Two more weeks of avoidance and walking on eggshells and Remus has had enough. He corners Sirius after class, pushes him against the wall and confronts him about the strain he’s putting on their friendship and why the fuck has he been acting like an asshole.

If Remus wasn’t so upset he would be very distracted by the smell of Sirius’ aftershave. Sirius forces himself to actually listen to the questions coming out of Remus’ mouth and not just stare at his full, red lips curving around each word. They are unnecessarily close for an argument, but that is not something either of them bother to bring up.

Sirius is evasive and vague, but does eventually apologize. He tells Remus that he misses him, that he wishes there wasn’t a boyfriend taking up all of Remus’ time so they could hang out more. Remus definitely means to mention that Sirius is the one that’s never around, he does. But he’s always been embarrassingly susceptible to Sirius’ pout.

Remus’ relationship is over less than two weeks later. 

Sirius laughs with him again on the train ride home for summer break. They sit just a little too close together, legs and shoulders touching, heads tilted towards each other. They talk non-stop, as if they have to make up for all the lost time in the past few months. James and Peter share a knowing look and a fondly exasperated sigh.

They don’t see each other all summer. Remus is away working as a camp lifeguard or with the swim team. James, Sirius, and Peter travel a lot with the football team. They miss each other, but the months fly by.

Sirius is beyond excited to start senior year. He and James are newly elected co-captains of the football team. He just got his drivers license and is saving for a motorbike. He just knows they will all be big shots on campus this year. He’s ready to have the best year yet. He thinks he's finally gotten over his stupid crush on Remus and can finally relax around his friend again.

Sirius, James, and Peter are waiting together at the train station when they see Remus for the first time since summer began. Sirius almost doesn’t recognize him. He does a double take and then goes slack-jawed. All he can think is what the fuck has Remus been up to at that fucking summer camp?

James let’s out a long, low whistle. Peter mutters a curse that he and Sirius are the short fuckers now. But Sirius is stunned into silence.

Because Remus is fucking gorgeous. 

Sirius smacks James in the stomach with the back of his hand a few times without taking his eyes off the boy walking gracefully towards them. Sirius has no words at the moment, but he knows for sure now that he is dead-and-gone gay for Remus Lupin. 

James sees Sirius’ expression and laughs out loudly, pushing Sirius' chin up to close his mouth. Peter just shakes his head and throws his hands up in a "finally" type way. Sirius vaguely registers James asking Peter something about him finally getting his head out of his ass and making a fucking move, but he doesn't care enough to listen, so he doesn’t hear the answer. He’s too obsessed with the boy walking towards him. 

Remus is noticeably taller than before. He's wearing a soft, cotton, burgundy shirt and it makes his shoulders seem obscenely broad and his arms look deliciously toned and tan. He strides his long, lean denim wearing legs with an elegance that mesmerizes Sirius. Remus runs a hand through his under-cut curls before giving them a quick wave and shy smile. Sirius’ mouth goes dry. James has to punch Sirius on the arm to get him to stop staring and say hello.

Later that night, Peter and James feign fatigue as excuse to leave Sirius and Remus alone in the common room. Sirius seizes his opportunity to question Remus about just what the hell happened to him over his summer. Remus blushes and shrugs, takes a deep breath, and tells Sirius about starting to swim and working out because he wanted to get noticed ...by Sirius. And then how he started to really like the way he felt, liked how his swimming improved, liked how great it felt to finally, actually, like himself inside and out. So he just kept working out every day and it stopped being about Sirius or anyone else and was just something beautiful for himself.

Sirius is stunned. He can’t believe this intelligent, incredible boy would see himself so unkindly. How could he not know how beautiful and amazing he was? And he actually like Sirius back? It was too much to process.

Remus continues on, growing a bit uncomfortable talking about his new height and new haircut and his silly new clothes his mother bought him over the summer. He starts to question if Sirius noticed and Sirius has to stop him right there.

Sirius nods his head vigorously, because yes, yes he definitely noticed that Remus is hot as fuck now. And they laugh together, nervous, anxious, relieved.

Sirius grows quiet and still, bites on his lip as he tries to form his own confession. He takes a deep breath and starts talking. His voice is nervous, but once he begins the words flow out of him with a will power of their own. It all comes out.

He tells Remus that he’s always thought he was beautiful. _Always_.

How he’s been obsessed with him since they were twelve years old.

How he filled his time with other people to try and move on because he was scared to damage their friendship.

How jealous he was. 

And how he thinks Remus is the funniest, smartest, kindest, most amazing person he’s ever known.

He tells Remus that to be completely honest, he _is_ hot as fuck now - which ok, bonus - but he would happily take any and all packages Remus ever came in, that he’s liked them all, from short and snarky to tall and swimmer body.

Because he likes any type of body that will bring him Remus. Because he just wants to be with Remus.

They talk very late into the night about everything and nothing. Sirius isn't sure what time it is when he can no longer resist, he simply must kiss this boy. And kiss him he does, for a very long time.

James finds them curled together on the sofa in the morning. He can not wait to tease the shit out of them both with all the jokes he and Peter came up with late last night.

It’s a very good year for them all.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Comments are Love.


End file.
